You’re behind…but I am not…
Day 01 - Introduce yourself, in great detail
Day 02 - Your first love , in great detail
Day 03 - Your parents, in great detail
Day 04 - What you ate today, in great detail
Day 05 - Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 07 - Your best friend, in great detail
Day 08 - A moment, in great detail
Day 09 - Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 10 - What you wore today, in great detail
Day 11 - Your siblings, in great detail
Day 12 - What’s in your bag, in great detail
Day 13 - This week, in great detail
Day 14 - What you wore today, in great detail
Day 15 - Your dreams, in great detail
Day 16 - Your first kiss, in great detail
Day 17 - Your favorite memory, in great detail
Day 18 - Your favorite birthday, in great detail
Day 19 - Something you regret, in great detail
Day 20 - This month, in great detail
Day 21 - Another moment, in great detail
Day 22 - Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 23 - Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 24 - Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 25 - A first, in great detail
Day 26 - Your fears, in great detail
Day 27 - Your favorite place, in great detail
Day 28 - Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 29 - Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 30 - One last moment, in great detail
Day 26….
I’ve already done the previous 25 days on OD, but it keeps going kaplooey. So why bother? Really.
My fears. Fears, for the most part, are irrational. I think my biggest fear is being alone. Which really doesn’t make much sense since I’m OK with being alone. I guess I don’t want to not have that special someone in my life.
I have other fears too. Really really irrational ones. Bugs. I guess I’m not afraid of them so much as I am grossed about them. Rats and other rodents. Again, not so much afraid as creeped out.
Heights. Not afraid of the height. Afraid of the fall. And really not so much the fall but the abrupt stop.
Snakes. *shudder*
Oceans and lakes. Not the water itself. Not the depth, but what’s in it. I need to know where the bottom is at all times and I need to know what’s swimming around me. I’m an excellent swimmer, but I get really freaked out when I don’t know what the hell is swimming around me. I’m also fairly certain that I wouldn’t be able to go scuba diving. This is going to sound ridiculous to most, but I don’t think I could do it because I would feel claustrophobic. Claustrophobic? you say with a curious puppy head tilt. Yes, claustrophobic. Reason being is that I know the ocean is a wide open space, but having that teeny tiny mask and breathing apparatus attached to me, I don’t know if I could handle it. I would like to think that I could as it’s something I want to do some day. Along with swim with dolphins. I love the dolphins!
I think that just about covers it…
I’m ridiculously lazy…
Since I’m ridiculously lazy, I’m only going to post entries from my other blog that were from like the end of September up until the present time. I’ll eventually get everything caught up so it’s all in one spot, but really, not right now :P
Enter with caution…. - 9/10/2010
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I found this while hitting the random button. I found it interesting. This could DEFINITELY spark some controversy. But it will also get you some insight into me. These are issues and what I think about them. Remember, these are MY opinions. Just like you have yours. Just because I think differently about something than you do, doesn’t make me wrong or you wrong. Don’t pass judgement on me for it. I don’t judge you.
1) Gay Marriage - Most definitely should be legal. I’m allowed to get married if I so choose to, as a “straight” person…but you can’t help who you fall in love with. And who’s to say that the won’t fuck up a marriage as bad a straight person can? However, I reeeeeeeally dislike being referred to as a “breeder” by gay people. And it REALLY bothers me that they need their Gay Pride Parades. You want to be treated equal regardless of your sexual orientation, don’t make a big deal out of it. You don’t see me having a Straight Pride Parade…well, that might be a bit of a stretch for me.
2) Abortion - Pro-Choice…HOWEVER, if this is your method of birth control, get you’re fucking tubes tied!
3) God - I can’t. I just can’t….I can’t really explain why….well, I could, but I’m not going to.
4) Religion - I’m not religious. I can’t be. I don’t care if you are. That’s up to you. Do me a favor though? Don’t. Shove. Your. Religion. Down. My. Throat
5) Cloning of Human Body Parts - Just body parts? Sure, why the hell not? Full humans? I don’t think that’s really such a great idea.
6) Active Euthanasia - Yeah, I do..
7) Left Wing Politics - Politics Schmolitics. They allllll say what you want to hear, then completely fuck it up.
8) Right Wing Politics - RE: Above.
9) Green Politics - RE: Above times two.
10) Spirituality - Spiritual, most definitely.
1) Testing on Animals - If testing something on an animal is going to be the difference between success and fail….fuck yeah. Or perhaps we could use the criminals that have the death penalty….we’re going to kill them anyway, right?
12) Marriage - I don’t want to do it four or five times over (like a friend of mine. She’s been married (and divorced) 4 times. I don’t want to do that. But if I get married, and my spouse dies, then I would consider the second time), but yes, I would like to get married some day….even though I don’t believe you need a piece of paper to say you love someone.
13) One Night Stands - Had my fair share. Really, nothing wrong with it when you’re single.
14) Multiculturalism - I live in a city where white people are the minority. Seriously. BUT, I’m not racist, I hate everybody equally.
15) Traditions - Are a very good thing.
16) Death Penalty - I agree with the person I stole this from. The punishment should fit the crime. I also think that if you are sentenced to death, you should be killed in the manner in which you killed someone (if that IS in fact, the reason you’re on death row)
17) Smacking Children - I was raised in a house where we got a slap on the ass if it was warranted. There is NOTHING wrong with a slap on the ass. There is, however, a fineline between discipline and abuse. If you want to beat them, use the phone book, it won’t leave marks :P
18) Open Borders - Definitely not. Although with all of the illegals floating around, its like we do.
19) Stem Cell Research - Most definitely.
20) Lab Grown Meat - No thanks. Aren’t that what cows are raised for? But how about we leave out the growth hormones and all that jazz?
21) Binge Drinking - Do it if you want. Your liver, your life, your problem. Me and binge drinking? Bad. Idea.
22) Banning Smoking in Public - People are going to smoke. How about we create certain little “corrals” for smoking. I will admit, its sooooo much nicer to go into establishments and not leave smelling like smoke. And its sooooo much nicer to eat and not have smoke blowing in yoru face.
23) Communism - There will always be somebody who thinks this is a grand idea. I, on the other hand, am not that person.
24) Capitalism - RE: Above.
25) Welfare - Living in the place that I do, and I’m sure its probably the same other places too, people look at their children as a pay cheque. Let’s have more so we can get more money and sit at home on our fat stupid lazy asses and be a drain on the people who get up every fucking day and go to work and work 40 hours a week or more. With that being said, I have ZERO PROBLEM with ANYONE who NEEDS the assistance getting the assistance. Those are the ones who will most often use the assistance until they get their shit back together to make it on their own and then they tend to put back into the community. I also look at a personal experience. My aunt was a single mom. Her little one was 2 years old. She had escaped an abusive marriage. And when I say abusive, I mean A.B.U.S.I.V.E. He used to beat her in front of the baby. He used to throw cans of soup at her. He was a monster. She tried to get welfare, they wouldn’t give it to her. They told her to go live with one of her sisters. At that point in my aunt’s life, she NEEDED that help, and was denied. Yet there were a plethora of people in the town who didn’t need the assistance, but were getting it. I guess you need to know how to work the system. /end rant.
26) Free Health Care - Being a Canadian, I have one thing to say…FUCK YEAH!
27) Free Tertiary Education - Bad. Idea.
28) Health Warnings on Unhealthy Food - Gray area…or is it grey? No matter…There are health warnings on cigarettes and we know those are bad for us so I guess it would be the same with unhealthy food.
29) Controlled Immigration - Fuck Yeah!
30) Dr Phil - Is…a crackpot??
31) Religous Education in Schools - Touchy subject. I think there could/should be a religious studies class. However, it would need to be taught by a non-biased person. There will still be parents that spazz out and won’t want their kids to take the class (much like with Sex Ed), but I think with it done properly, it could teach kids a lot. It could be good to teach tolerance and acceptance.
32) Sex/Relationship Education in Schools - Oh, fuck, yes! And again with similar comments as in the previous issue.
33) A Global Language - I don’t know so much that this is necessary. Pretty much anywhere you go you’ll be able to find someone in the area who speaks your language thus making them able to translate for you. But it never hurts for you to grab an English to your language and vice versa dictionary before you go prancing all around the globe.
34) Legalisation of Marijuana - Why the hell not? People are going to do it anyway.
35) Legalisation of Hard Drugs - Oh, fuck fuck no.
36) Higher Taxes for the Rich - Fuck to the yeah!
37) Plus Size Models - Of course. Perhaps then people will become more accepting. Although I somehow doubt that. In today’s society, if you’re not tall and thin and gorgeous and perfect, you’re nothing. Which is a shame really.
38) Pole Dancing in the Olympics - Are you serious?
39) Online Dating - That’s pretty much how dating has been for my generation. And really, there’s nothing wrong with it.
40) Open Relationships - Can definitely work. But it has to be the right couple to start with.
41) Fur Coats - Animals wear them and stay warm….why can’t I?
42) One Child Policy - Kinda stupid, but I look at 19 kids and counting and think “Whhaaaaaatttt????”
43) Cheating - If they’re happy at home, they won’t cheat.
44) White Lies - Depends on the context I suppose.
45) Brutal Honesty - Sucks balls, but its necessary at times. But there are times when tactfully honest is just as effective.
46) Leather Shoes - No point in letting the cowhide go to waste after you kill it for the meat, right?
47) Evolution - Oh fuck fuck yeah!
48) Ghosts - I have experienced, therefore I believe
49) Suicide - Is ridiculously selfish…..
50) Gun Ownership - You have the right to bear arms….And guns don’t kill people, Chuck Norris does.
When I’m With You… - 9/10/2010
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…I’ll make every second count. Cause I miss you whenever you’re not around. When I kiss you I’ll still get butterflies years from now. I’ll make every second count when I’m with you.
Ok, the next time IGB rears her ugly head, will SOMEONE PLEASE bitchslap me? I’m sure that’s all I’ll need. Here I was spazzing out all week because Marc had promised me that he would text me while I was gone. I heard from him once on Tuesday night because I had texted him and told him that most of the time while I was getting tattooed, I had to keep thinking about him and the amazing things he can do with his tongue and fingers. That boy….hooooo boy! He can make me squirm like no other. But I digress. So I had texted him and told him that and he texted back with “haha that’s frickin awesome. had my phone on silent. just going to bed. xo” (I think I already told y’all that though.) Anyhow, I got a text from him whilst on the way back to my house from my parents’ house. He’d been out in the field all week. Honestly, IGB is the devil. I’m sure of it.
I have yet to decide if I should be concerned or not that my Dad’s two favorite songs as of late are “Liquor and Whores” sung by Bubbles from the Trailer Park Boys. (If you’re unfamiliar with the Trailer Park Boys….go to youtube….) and “The Asshole Song” by Jimmy Buffett. Knowing this makes everything so much clearer about me and why I act the way I do. Well, makes PARTS of it clearer. There still really isn’t any explanation for….oh, nevermind.
I spent the day with my Mama. That was nice. Seeing as how I had been at their house since Wednesday evening and had spent a grand total of like 4 hours with my parents. Yeah, tell me I didn’t feel slighted. Especially since when my brother comes home they spend a shit tonne of time with him and his girlfriend. Yes, I do live closer to my parents than my brother does. And I probably see them about 6 times more than he does in a year, but that’s not the point. She and I had a little cry together too. Mainly over the fact that my brother and I were the two grandkids on my Dad’s side of the family who ALWAYS get crapped on. Its been that way since the time we were little. All of my other cousins were "the chosen ones" to my Grandmother. I love my Grammie, I really do. She’s my Grammie. I can’t not love her. But the fact is, when you have as many grandkids as she does, you should probably treat them all equally. That was NEVER the way. But, like I said to my Mom, I really shouldn’t complain. When it came to my Grandmother on my Mom’s side of the family, my brother and I were the ones who were the favorites. But Grammie O *NEVER* showed that we were the favorites, but we always knew we were. We were always there. I miss my Grammie O like crazy. She died when I was 5. I always wonder how different my life would have been had she been around longer and got to watch me grow up. Mom and my aunts are certain that she would have gotten a HUGE kick out of me. They’re probably right. When I was little, probably 3ish, I “borrowed” the family Bible (couldn’t read to save my soul, but apparently that didn’t matter much to me). I “borrowed” the hot cross buns. I bet you’re wondering how that all played out. I asked my Grammie if I could borrow the hotcross buns. She kind of chuckled like Grandmas do when their grandbabies do something charming, and said sure and handed them over to me. I took them home with me that night and licked all the frosting off of them. I took them back to her within the next couple of days and told her that I was done with them. Grammie looked at them, at me, at my Mom and just laughed. What else are you going to do when you’re delightfully adorable 3 year old granddaughter does something like that? I was done with them. I didn’t want them. Apparently I was smart enough at that age to know the definition of borrow. I also “borrowed” $20 off the kitchen table one time. That story gets told quite frequently. I can just imagine the stories that will come out if/when I get married. The other stories that come out will be about the time that I fell down the stairs because my aunt chased me (I was probably 2 or 3); the time that the snow fell off the roof and onto me; the “playboy bunny pose” that my aunts taught me. Oh, yes, that’s a delightful one. My aunt’s thought it would be…cute (for lack of a better word) to teach me a playboy bunny pose. So, every time that it was time for a diaper change, they would lay me on the bed, tell me to “Strike your playboy pose” and I would. I would spin around so my legs were on the wall, spread eagled, and lay back on the bed. There used to be pictures of this at one point in time. I think they’ve since been destroyed so that no one could be accused of child porn. But c’mon people, this was….the early 80’s. It was, now that I look back on it, quite adorable. Perhaps that explains a little bit more about me. Actually, maybe I should be thankful that the pictures are gone. Do we really need/want those resurfacing for a wedding? :P As I was saying, everyone is sure that my Grammie would have gotten a kick out of me with my tattoos and piercings. (For anyone keeping count, to date we have 13 piercings and three tattoos. If you’re curious about them, let me know. I’ll share)
My tattoo is healing quite nicely. She’s already started to scab over and peel. She’s starting to get ridiculously itchy though. Its some kind of hard for me to not scratch. At least with her I’m less tempted to scratch because she’s harder to reach. With the one I got in May it was more tempting to scratch because I could reach. I still forget about that one from time to time. I’ll be walking and look down and see it and be like “WTF?!?!” then I quickly realize its part of me now. One of the downfalls of my fairy is I just can’t see her enough. I think she’s beautiful and I love her so friggin much! I think I might be a lil pathetic to be that in love with a piece of body art.
This is where it starts…Well, sort of.
I’m going to start putting some of my other posts on here. Then after that’s done, I’ll write in the present.————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
I think.. - 9/10/2010
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…I should be on meds. Or something.
I’ve been ridiculously sad and blue the last week. I could cry at the drop of a hat. I feel unloved, unwanted, unworthy…..I know that this is the only place that I can put down what/how I feel and not be judged. And I don’t have to pretend here. Its quite draining to have to hide behind a smile and pretend that everything is peachy effing keen.
I know you’re probably thinking that I shouldn’t be ridiculously sad because Marc is back in the picture and that’s what I wanted all summer. It sure was what I wanted. And still want. BUT he’s still working through everything. I’m just worried that he’s going to push me away again :o( I don’t know so much that I’ll be able to handle that if it happens.
I’m just not as good at this patience thing as I once thought I was.
Ugh, maybe I’m just having one of those weeks. I feel like I should have just stayed at my house for my vacation this week. I came home to my Mom and Dad’s….well, that made me feel worse. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. I feel like such a huge fuck up and feel that no one really wants to be near me or with me.
Annnnnd welcome back to the pity party of one….
Finish him!
heehee. Not really. Well, no, really. But not how you think. I need to decide where I’m going to go from OD. It’s not like I got the boot from OD, but it’s been spazztastic the last few days and it was driving me nuts. So, we’ll give this a go.
Might as well put something here. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, I just put it other places….
